Forgiveness

Sometimes we are thrust into tough relationships with other people, and no matter how hard we might try to make them work, they are just...a mess. Whether the problem is a constant struggle and tension with competition against them (somehow just not being able to celebrate them in anything they do or have), or an endless number of mis-communications and judgements that leave us wanting to sprint in the other direction every time we encounter them, these relationships are real and messy. Maybe you can think of one or two or more just like this in your own life. I know I can. Maybe you have "knock-down-dragged" it out with these folks, or maybe you are still in the fetal position. Either way, you have been hurt; they have been hurt, and reconciliation needs to happen.

One thing I have learned about the relationships in my life that have had these constant, nagging, uncomfy tensions, is that they are certainly more redemptive than the "easy peasy" friendships in my life. The relationships I have fought so hard to run from, and have hashed out, are often the ones I just couldn't get away from if I tried. I am drawn to them, not because they are easy, but because something about them reflects the gospel in a tangible way. I am drawn in, because they take me through the process of unearthing sin, mourning it, and forgiving it or being forgiven from it, resulting in an almost resurrected newness and life. The act of true forgiveness, when given out or received, roots these relationships so much deeper than circumstance.

Stephen, a martyr of the Christian faith, experienced the joys of  forgiveness even in his dying breath.
Acts 7:59-60 says,
" While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, 'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.' Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ' Lord, do not hold this sin against them' When he had said this, he fell asleep."

At first glance, we can look at this account and be simply inspired at a man who truly imitated the attitude Christ had on the cross. But what exactly was Stephen doing here? He was forgiving even during the act of being hurt. I don't know about you, but in my own relationships, I can hardly recall a time I have forgiven a person while they were in the process of hurting me. Usually, it is not until I have taken a step back, grieved my own pain, planned the perfect retaliation, realized said retaliation would be more harmful than good, cursed them in my head in the shower, etc, etc, etc that I could even begin to BEGIN look on them with compassion and love. But Stephen seemed to know the secret to forgiveness in the midst of pain. .

I believe that when we, as believers who have been wronged, look upon our adversary in such a way that we see not just the pain they have caused us, but the pain that their sin has cause God, we can be free to forgive them. In other words, when we see another person's sin as a direct result of their vertical broken relationship with God, we are moved to see that they are just like us. Instead of boasting in the "me against them" mentality, we see that we are parallels. We are fellows. We are sojourners. We are equals. We are both living in a broken world, sinning against a holy God...and hurting each other in the process. When we can have this radical shift in thinking, forgiving becomes not about the degree to which we have been hurt, or about how much we are owed before we can forgive, but it becomes about how gracious God has been to sinners, and how much none of us could ever pay Him back. Forgiveness becomes universal. We begin to gain a heart of compassion (not pity--they are different) for another person's broken relationship with God, instead of the alternative: more and more bitterness stirring itself up in our gut.

Then we can say, with Stephen, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!"

Sin is a beast. And as a result, anger against sin can also be a beast. When we have been wronged deeply, it cannot be doubted that there are very real effects. As a matter of fact, there is a very real, and I believe good movement among our generation to feel pain, as opposed to "stuffing" it up inside. Even among believers, we are often called to sit in our pain and suffering and acknowledge it as real. While I think that there is a place for this type of thinking, I believe that we are also called to move out of anger, and certainly never to act on it.

James 1:19 says, "Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 

If it is our desire as believers to be reconciled (which I would think/hope that is the case!), we will never reap that end through the sowing of anger. The righteousness of God is never achieved through the anger of a given person. Righteousness is accomplished in us through the grace that is shown in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:21 say, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

 For us. Not just for that lady in the grocery line. Not just for our neighbor with the yappy dog. Not just for our husband.

For US.

As Christians, the vertical brokenness we experience with God has been mended in Christ. We can therefore go and forgive in the horizontal relationships where we have hurt and have been hurt. Let His grace birth a heart of compassion for the enemies in your life.

"Lord, do not hold this sin against them!"