Fall Pictures!

So, I really wanted to get some fall snapshots of my sweet baby and family. I thought about it super last minute, so we couldn't get any of my photog friends out to the orchard to take them! Oh well. I still think we got some sweet little shots! Such a pretty day today too! Not much fall weather around here though...more of an ongoing Indian summer. I'm not complaining. When February rolls around, I will be dying for days like these! Enjoy!

The Best Pancakes

We found them, thank goodness.

I stumbled upon this recipe a few weeks ago, and Ben and I have stopped looking for a pancake recipe to call our own. Here it is!

1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flaxseed meal
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups buttermilk ( I have just been using regular milk and adding a TBSP or 2 of lemon juice)
1/4 cup pure maple syrup
1 egg

Mix the dry ingredients together, the wet ingredients together...then all together. Butta your pan and sizzle away. You can add walnuts, nutmeg, or cinnamon to spruce them up for the season.

You can thank me later! :)

Health Update

Hey! Just wanted to give you guys an update on ellie's health progress. We went to Vanderbilt last month for a Genetics specialist to see the little gal. We had a full genetic counseling session to determine possible causes of her health issues. Then we met with Dr. Morgan, her pediatric genetic specialist. I am so thankful that she is in his good hands.

Dr. Morgan did indeed conclude that ellie has a genetic disorder. He did not confirm what it was, but sent her in to get blood work done, looking for a specific disorder, Holt Oram syndrome. This is a hand-heart syndrome. Patients with this genetic disorder always have a hand malformation, along with a septal defect in their heart, both of which ellie has. This makes the most sense for her. The doctor said that the test could come back negative, but that if it did, it would only mean he would look for what else it could be. So basically, she has something, and we just need to figure out what it is. He took a look at both of our hands, and since we have no visible malformations, said she probably did not inherit it from us, but rather through a gene mutation. This happens frequently in this disorder, he said.

I feel okay about this news. I feel like knowing something at all is so much better than knowing nothing, and having nothing make sense. If ellie has Holt-Oram, she will function normally mentally, and her physical disabilities will be limited to her hand problems (but her upcoming surgery (ies) should dramatically help her hand function.) She could also inherit electrical problems with her heart, such as fibrillation problems. Having this disorder will mean she will see a cardiologist regularly for EKG's for the rest of her life to make sure her heart is functioning properly. (This would not be a cardiovascular heart problem, but an electrical problem...has something to do with how the signals fire to regulate it). Her worse case scenario would be that she could have a pace-maker. This would also mean that she would have a 50% chance of passing this on to her children. This piece makes me the saddest, because it will affect her life the most dramatically. I hate to think about her having to make decisions based on this possibility...but I suppose that is a pre-mature worry.

Dr. Morgan reassured us that, if she does have Holt-Oram, and since we know about it so soon, it will be manageable throughout her life. Technology is such that, should she need them, heart medications and ekg's will regulate any potentially life threatening problem. Also, detailed sonograms are already available to be able to detect heart problems and hand malformations in the womb. So, when and if she does have a baby someday, they can know and have the correct specialists on hand if the baby inherits holt oram. And since this technology is already available, I am in good spirits that even better technology will be around in 20- 25 years! :) This is all such beautiful news to my ears!

We should be finding out the blood test results in a couple of weeks. If she tests positive, Ben and I will be tested for Holt-Oram. Obviously, if we did pass it along, we too will have a 50% chance of passing it along to future babies. We are not too worried about this prospect at this time, though. We will re-visit Vanderbilt after this to address the next steps. Most likely, it will involve a referral to a cardiologist, and the continuation of seeing her hand specialist in Louisville. Ellie will see the hand specialist this month to determine when her first surgery. Please pray for this, as I am the most anxious about her surgeries and recovery right now.

I feel like so many of my friends have unknowns in their lives about their children's health. This just points me to lean on Jesus, because nothing is ever certain, and our bodies and those of our children are SO fragile. I pray that I will hold ellie out to my Lord with open palms, saying "Lord, your will be done mightily in her life."

Oh This Poor Sad Blog

Sweet summer time girl.



Well, for those of you that wait to see what I'll post every 3 months, here I am again! I wanted to write a little update about Ellie's health, for those of you that don't know or haven't heard. She WILL have hand surgery at the end of October/ beginning of November. We saw a hand specialist in Louisville, and really came out of the meeting with a confidence that this was the right choice for our daughter. We are excited to see how this will change her motor skills! Right now she has trouble with the pincer grasp, and definitely with grasping larger objects. She has to use two hands to pick up a lot of things. Without this surgery, she would never be able to hold a can of soda, or grasp a steering wheel correctly. The consultation with her surgeon really made us realize how critical our hands are, and while this problem isn't affecting her life so much now, it will later. This surgery will widen the web space between her index finger and thumb. The doctor said her recovery should be about two weeks, and she probably won't even need pain meds! Let's hope!

Here is how you can still be praying! The doc said that after the surgery, he will monitor how she learns or "re-learns" to use her hands. If she is unable to break some of the bad habits she has been developing (using improper muscles and joints to move her thumbs to compensate for the abnormality), then he will need to do further surgery. This might involve a muscle graft to build strength in her hands. So. This could be one surgery on both hands, or multiple. It depends on how she adapts. Please pray that she bounces back and is able to use her thumbs opposably to grasp objects after one surgery.

Additionally, this Thursday we will FINALLY be able to see a genetecist at Vanderbilt. I will keep you updated, but please pray that this is not the result of a genetic problem. If it is, it will mean regular testing of other body systems (kidneys, thyroid, etc) throughout her life. The poor thing will already probably be in therapy 'til she's five for just her hands. I just don't wish ANYTHING else on her. So, please pray for my sweet little girl this week if you could. Also, our pediatrician will see her tomorrow, so I'm just praying we don't get sent to any other specialists! Sometimes "boring" is better!

Ellie's First Easter

It was a rainy day for the most part, but my friend Paige was able to capture these during a few of the sunshin-ey moments. So thankful for a Savior who came to complete our salvation! Praying that someday Ellie will know and believe this truth! Look at her eyes in this next one! Sly smile with eyes to the left...she makes expressions JUST like Ben!
Ben and I aren't super cute- I'm rockin' the crooked smile...when I'm really happy, I always have a crooked smile. Ben is not smiling his real smile. He rarely ever can for pictures. He doesn't like to be forced to do anything. :) But hey, Ellie is the main event anyway!

Happy Easter...a bit late!

Dear Baby Girl- 6 Months

Baby Adelle,

I've been telling myself I just have to sit down and write about all that you have learned since my last letter! You are becoming quite the firecracker these days. I would have to say that you have changed the most yet in your 6th month of life!

This month, two major milestones were when you learned to sit up (about April 8th) and when we fed you solids for the first time (April 11th). You love rice cereal, but are not yet sure about sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, or bananas. I still give them to you, but you make a very perplexed face every time you take a bite. I have been feeding you solids twice a day. I was hoping that this would make you a better sleeper, but alas, I still have the "up-several-times-a-night" child. Don't get me wrong, I love to cuddle you one time in the night, but really, four times, child? Luckily it is not always four times, but when it is, my patience is really tested! :) When will you get that I will not feed you every 2 hours around the clock? Trust me dear, you have plenty of fat stores to get through the night without mommy's help! I guess I really am thankful that you feel you need me, though. :)

You are working on those teeth. I can't wait for those little guys to pop through soon!

You have started "growling" at me when I do something you don't like, such as putting you in your car seat, changing your clothes, or taking you from something you want to play with. Grrrrr...that's what it sounds like. It makes me laugh.

You love crackly things. Anything with a wrapper. You grab a hold of everything as we walk through the house. I suspect this is only the beginning. I have had to become less of a germaphobe these days. I just can't keep you from exploring things anymore! :) You "help" me get your towel and washcloth for your bath time. You love carrying them in your little fingers!

You LOVE to be around your friends! Catherine, Phoebe, and Stella are your best friends. haha. I love it when you are around them too, because you pant like a dog (literally) with excitement, and always come home having learned something new. When Stella walked away from you one day, you cried because you couldn't keep up with her. Big poochie lip came out. Well, don't cry then, go catch her, girl!

Everyone thinks you are so pretty, and lots of old ladies call you "bright eyes" when we are at the grocery store, etc. They always comment on those big blues. Sometimes people ask me where you get those gorgeous lips too. I say, "her daddy." They clearly aren't mine. You are so kissable. I am nervous about the combination of you and junior high and boys.

The crazy college boys at church even tell me they could actually imagine wanting to have a baby someday because of how cute you are! THAT is something big, sista!

Your daddy and I have been learning more about what it means to trust in the Lord when it comes to you. Right now it is in the smallest ways, like not checking on you a million times when you are in your crib. Someday it'll be you driving down the street by yourself. Your daddy has to remind me a lot that you are God's child, and that you are truly in His hands. Relinquishing that to Him is so freeing. He knows the number of your days, and is the only one giving you life and breath. I'll have to learn that lesson a thousand times over, I suspect.

Yesterday we celebrated your first Easter. You wore a sweet little yellow vintage dress that mommy found at an estate sale when I was about 8 months pregnant. I knew it'd be perfect for you! Mommy and daddy are praying that you would know your sinfulness at a young age, and would also know how much you need a Savior that not only died for your icky sin, but he rose again to give you victory over it! This is why we gave you the middle name "Grace," that God's grace would truly be poured out on your little soul. It was a beautiful and rainy Easter Sunday, but the message rang true! May it ring true in your heart so soon!

I truly love you more every day. I love it when you look up at me and I know you actually want to snuggle. I love how you LOVE to sit in my lap and read books almost more than anything else. I love how you get excited when your daddy comes home, and you flap your arms and legs because he is SO fun. I love it how you love being outside, and it will calm down your most wild tantrums. I love how expressive you are. You have about 1,000 expressions and you use them all liberally. You are becoming quite the social butterfly, and are actually beginning to enjoy going on errands with me to see new things. You even love junk shopping with mommy while being carried in the front pack! This is how I know you are mine!

I know that I KNOW that you are ours. You belong with us, baby. You are at home with us. It gets sweeter every day.

In just six months from today, you'll be devouring your first cupcake. You're gonna love it.

It's flyin' by, sweet baby girl.

Love, Mommy

Spring!!!

Weeping comes in the night (winter) but joy comes in the morning (spring)!!!!

The transition from winter to spring almost always makes me think of that verse. Even though it is slightly out of context, the concept rings true!! I am filled with so much longing for spring while I'm in the trenches of winter (especially with a 2 month old...or in the frigid downtown Chicago windy temps, trudging through drifts of bitter cold and wet snow.) Either way, these are just two vivid images of winter that I see once the warmth of Christmas goes away, and I am left with the doomsday months of January and February (also insert March and April here if you live in Chicago, or anywhere in central Illinois...sorry guys).

Anyway, we got to play outside almost all day yesterday! (Or so it felt!) We went on a long walk through the park, got some half price frozen yogurt with two friends, I went on a long run and caught up (through gasps) with a great friend, and we grilled out! And the weather is looking good for the next week, too! 60's and 70's...even 80 today I believe!

Here are a few more pics from our little play date outside! I'm sooo looking forward to more lovely days outside like this! It is coming at the perfect time for Ellie! She loves taking everything in, and even the smallest things make her so excited!


The wind got a hold of her bonnet! Hehe

A Tribute to Marriage

A Little Bit of an Update

We don't know much of anything new about Ellie, but she did have her 4 month well baby check up yesterday. The doctor gave me a little more clarity on his specific concerns for Ellie Grace. He is concerned she might have De George syndrome. Apparently, the heart defects that she has had, combined with the hypoplastic thumbs can signal this syndrome. Here is a link about it if anyone is interested in reading further.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/digeorge-syndrome/DS00998

I have been up and down about it all. Part of me really feels like she isn't demonstrating so many of these symptoms, and that I shouldn't be worried. By all other accounts, she is a really normal baby. The doctor thinks so too. He just wants to be careful and cover all of our bases. Sometimes I jump years ahead and envision how we will deal with her if she has these issues.

Please pray that the Lord will change how Ben and I are tending to respond to this. We are already thinking about how this will potentially affect our and Ellie's lives, rather than taking it a day-at-a-time. Pray that we will know the Lord is GOOD, and that we are driven to our knees by this. I told a dear friend yesterday that I do feel that the Lord knows that it (sadly) often takes my desperation to drive me to him, and nothing else can. It's happening, and it feels so GOOD to need him again.

Thanks. I will continue to keep you updated. We are not yet sure when we will go to Louisville for testing.

In other news, I praise God today, because he has recently brought about 4 new friends (all such encouraging women!) into my life. This is HUGE, as I have felt a deep need for good relationships down here for a long time. And it is so good of him to be developing these in a time of huge weakness for me. So yay for that!

Love Whit

A Weak Place

My pastor just posted this quote on his wall.

"The 'valley of the shadow of death' is as much God's right path for us as the 'green pastures' which lie beside the 'quiet waters.'" -phillip keller

I'll be completely honest. I'm having trouble believing it. I know I should believe it. I know that I would tell someone else to believe it. But still, I struggle.

This morning I took Ellie to the doctor. Let me just give a little back story. About three weeks ago, Ellie came down with what I called "goopy eyes." She got an eye culture, and it came back that she had a form of staph in her eyes. So, the doc gave me some drops to clear it up. It did. No big deal. Well, she then got it again a few days after her last day on the drops. So, we got some more drops. They were different this time. And again, they cleared it up. Yesterday she got a stuffy nose, cough, and more goop in her eye. I decided to go back to the doc.

Meanwhile, the doc had also requested that she see a pediatric physical therapist. Long story short: she is having trouble extending her neck (to both turn and tilt) her head to the left. She has some sort of muscle that is shorter and tighter in her neck. So, we did that on Wednesday. Got some exercises. I felt good about it. No biggie, right?

So today we go, and the doc says that the problem with her watery eyes is her tear ducts. They will be "prone to infection" because they are smaller than normal. He says that she doesn't have staph anymore...just watery eyes and a cold. Okay. I can deal.

Still nothing too big for me to deal with.

Then he brings up that the physical therapist noticed Ellie's thumbs. I probably haven't told you about Ellie's thumbs. They are the very first thing I noticed when they laid her on my chest after she was born. They look like they are placed too high on her hand, almost as high up as a finger would be. I thought she had pinkies for thumbs when I first saw her. But, she grasps stuff pretty well and uses them in an "opposable" manner to her fingers. So, we weren't too concerned about it.

My doctor told me today that Ellie has something called "hypolasia of the thumbs." He called hers a very "mild" case, meaning that her thumbs could be a lot higher, or that her bones could even be misshapen, but that they aren't. He said that a lot of times babies born with this have similar trouble with their toes. Ellie doesn't. He also said sometimes the formation of the thumb can affect how the arm bones have formed. Ellie's arm bones are perfect. Seems okay, right? I thought so.

Then he said he would like Ellie to go to Louisville to see a pediatric orthepedic doctor AND a genetic doctor. Oh, and he would also like me to go to the hospital to get her thumbs X-rayed. At this point, I am not sure I can deal.

He said that this hypolasia often needs genetic testing, because it can signal other problems in the body, such as problems with the kidneys, red blood cells, cardiovascular system, skeletal system, and immune system (he didn't tell me all of these problems...I looked them up in an orthopedic book). I probably shouldn't have, but I was curious.

Guys, I've been a mess. Ellie has seen (or will see) 4 specialists already, and she is just 4 months old today. I don't get it. I don't understand why my baby isn't perfect. I compare her to other babies constantly. It's killing me. I know it doesn't have to.

I tell myself and others that she is really God's child, and that he loves her more than I do, but I have the hardest time believing it.

Right now we are faced with an opportunity. We can worry, worry, worry about the future, or we can honestly and truly place this in God's hands. I told a friend today that normally when I have a problem, I can just run to a friend, and talking about it makes it "better" (mind you, I am always running away from God when I do this). This scenario is not like that. There are SO many unknowns. So many answers that we will not have immediately or even close to immediately. We have x rays, blood tests, genetic tests...all before we will know anything.

I feel like I am being gutted like a fish. Like, normally my sin is dealt with in a much less dramatic way. I can tuck it away. I actually don't really even have to deal with it. And to be honest, I like it that way. But when your baby's health is at risk, a new monster rears its head. My sin runs SO deep. The core of my being- my desires, my hopes, my idols, my expectations, my control is being rawly exposed. All the while, I am kicking and screaming like a child who isn't getting her way.

I find my mind jumping a thousand miles away to how she will maybe have trouble with her immune system one day, or will have surgery on her hands, or will have kidney problems. This is in no way where my mind should be right now.

I am honestly so weak right now. God is calling me to himself in a way I have never experienced. He is allowing what I hold closest: my own child's health and the well-being of our family to be taken out of my firm grasp. I thought we had a "hold" on the heart "issues." We might not. I thought she was on the "up and up." She might not be. I thought I had "regained" my own government of my home, and that I wouldn't have to wait nervously for two hours at countless more doctors appointments. I will.

What a fallacy I have believed! I have sought to regain "control" and for things to "settle down." When will I learn that the God who loves Ellie more than anything is doing all of this (in some incredibly mysterious way) for our good and his glory?! He doesn't always just settle things down so we can feel like everything is right again. Sometimes He lets the pot remain stirred.

That's me. I'm stirring away.

Pray for my unbelieving heart. Pray for my baby to be healed. Or better yet, pray that her little thumbs are NOT the result of a genetic disorder at all! This could totally be the case!

I could (and have) gone on and on.

I need the support and prayer of dear friends more than ever. We are in a weak place. We need the Lord's hand upon us. Please pray on our behalf when you think of us.

She Has it All Together

I would have hoped that in my three years as a barista at Starbucks, I would have made some sort of an impact for Jesus. I would have hoped that those I mingled with time and time again in that tiny corridor behind the counter would have seen something...something. That those that didn't have any knowledge, or had misunderstandings of His character, would have been brought some clarity by my life.

I would have hoped.

The other day I was talking with a friend that I still keep up with from Starbucks. She is a follower of Christ. She told me that she and another co-worker of mine were talking about me the other day. The other co-worker really knows very little truth of Christ at all. I still have a good relationship with both women.

My believing friend told me that this other woman was sharing some of her struggles in her marriage, and that her counselor told her she should "try church" as a way of dealing with her problems. Somehow I came up in conversation, as a person she should talk to. The way she responded to this suggestion has seriously shaken me to the bone since I heard it.

She said, " I would, but Whitney just seems to have it all together. She doesn't have problems in her marriage, and her life is perfect. She probably couldn't relate" (Something to that effect. Again, I wasn't there.)

I have chills. What. Have. I. Done.? How have I let a woman think that I am perfect? How have I let her think that my husband is perfect? How have I, the worst of sinners, led her to believe that it is ME that sustains my "goodness?" Why doesn't she know that I have been plucked out by the gracious hand of God, and that any morsel of good is from him? Why doesn't she know that I CAN relate to trials, suffering, and yucky, ugly sin in my marriage? Why?

This, I believe, is one of the hugest injustices that we as Christians have done to our co-workers and neighbors. We have led them to believe that being a follower of Christ means tucking all your "yuck" away, or really, it means having none at all. Worse yet, we have taught them to believe that the gospel is about US! Where is the gracious character of God in this representation? You guessed it...nowhere to be found. This is not the gospel!!

How will this woman ever enter the doors of a church if she feels she needs to leave her sin at the door? (Mark 2:17, Matthew 19:12, and Luke 5:31 tell us that he has NOT come for the healthy, but the sick)

He has COME FOR HER and she doesn't know!

This terror of a realization has obviously caused a LOT of introspection in my life.
In small group we are reading excerpts from the great Christian authors in ages past. Last night it was an excerpt from C.S. Lewis', Mere Christianity. Wow. My oh my did he nail this concept.

He says, "For what we are trying to do is remain what we call "ourselves" to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be "good." We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way--centered on money or pleasure or ambition-- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly."

His response to this is this: "The Christian way is different: harder, and easier....Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked--the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself."

I was clearly not walking around like I had been given a new self. I was walking around like I gave myself a new self.

I feel cracked and broken. But, I feel thankful. Thankful to know that I cannot live life anymore letting others equate Christ's character with my "moral self."

I was praying about this this morning, and my first "solution" to this problem was to "find a balance" between showing people my brokenness and showing them how Christ has changed me. Do you know why I want to "find a balance?" It's because I don't want people to know how sinful I am.

This is crap. A "balance" is the biggest load of crap we can give to people.

We need to be filled with the Spirit in such a way that people see HIM. Nothing contrived. No fake morality. They see HIM. This will come from our hearts truly believing that he really can represent himself.

Lord, please represent yourself in me and through me. I am tired of pretending. Tired of acting like I haven't been given everything, but that I really do "have it all together."

I am weary of this conquest. I am weary of its results. I DO NOT have it all together.

But even that statement is beside the point. She doesn't even need to hear that from me. She will SEE that when I let her see that Christ does indeed have it all together.

Is it too late to proclaim this message? Praise Jesus that it isn't.

Pizza Hut

Okay. I'll say it.

Ben and I LOVE Pizza Hut's pan pizza. We think it's part nostalgia, because clearly we have experienced the finest of what Chicago pizzerias have to offer us (which is a LOT). However, there is just something about the way pizza hut's crust is both crispy and soft. It's a poor man's pizza dream. And with all of these new commercials and $10.00 specials, pizza hut has become a part of our conversation again.

So, we got to thinking. Could we replicate a pizza hut pan pizza?

The answer is yes. Yes we can, and yes we did.

We found this recipe online, and tried it tonight. It literally has a profound amount of oil, so if you can't handle it I understand. But, you've just got to tell yourself that you've eaten this much oil every OTHER time you've had pizza hut. Why not now, even when you're aware of it? :)

Please, please try this when you don't have money to go out on a date night. (Or even when you do.) We are LOVING this tonight. Just LOOK at how much ours looks like the real deal!

Recipe:

Ingredients:
1 1/3 cup Warm water (105F)
1/4 cup Non-fat dry milk
1/2 teaspoon Salt
4 cups Flour
1 tablespoon Sugar
1 pk. Dry yeast
2 tablespoons Vegetable oil (for dough)
9 ounces Vegetable oil (3 oz. per pan)
Butter flavored Pam
***Sauce: ***
1 (8 Ounce) Can Tomato Sauce
1 teaspoon Dry Oregano
1/2 teaspoon Marjoram
1/2 teaspoon Dry Basil
1/2 teaspoon Garlic salt

Directions:

Put yeast, sugar, salt, and dry milk in a large (2 qt.) bowl. Add water and stir to mix well. Allow to sit for two minutes. Add oil and stir again. Add flour and stir until dough forms and flour is absorbed. Turn out on to a flat surface and knead for about 10 minutes. Divide dough into three balls. In three 9" cake pans, put 3 Oz. of oil in each making sure it is spread evenly. Using a rolling pin, roll out each dough ball to about a 9" circle. Place in cake pans. Spray the outer edge of dough with Pam. Cover with a plate. Place in warm area and allow to rise for 1 to 1 1/2 hours.

Sauce:

Combine ingredients and let sit for 1 hour.

For Each Nine Inch Pizza: 1. Preheat oven to 475F 2. Spoon 1/3 cup sauce on dough and spread to within 1" of edge. 3. Distribute 1 1/2 Oz. shredded mozzarella cheese on sauce. 4. Place toppings of your choice in this order: Pepperoni or Ham Vegetables Meats (cooked ground sausage or beef) 5. Top with 3 Oz. mozzarella cheese 6. Cook until cheese is bubbling and outer crust is brown.

My Daughter

Warning: Sentimental Post Coming Your Way
It is beginning to hit me that Adelle Grace is my daughter. I know that sounds silly, since I had nine months to let this soak in, and three more to let it REALLY settle. However, it is just now happening. She is the one who will come running up to me with tears in her eyes when she scrapes her knee. She is the one who will undoubtedly talk back to me (if she's anything like I was with my poor mother). She is the one who will probably bottle up her emotions until they come spilling out one night when she feels like she hasn't a friend in the world but her mom (this too comes from experience...7th grade sucked, people). She is the one my husband will walk down the aisle (it'll probably be only the second time I'll ever see the man cry).

She is the one. She is my daughter.

Adelle has been taking on a new personality of her own these days. This, in part, is why I think it's all hitting me now. I'm realizing that she is so much more than a little bundle of flesh for me to worry about. She is a little girl, a woman, a wife, a mom, a sister. I am so blessed to be her mom for a time. A friend of mine (hey Rach!) writes letters to her baby girl as a memory of what was going on a the time. I must say I've been inspired. This letter will someday be for Ellie's eyes, but for now, it will serve as a way of you all knowing how she's growing and changing!

Bugaboo,
We call you bugga, boo boo, buggaboosie, and ellie g. these days. I wouldn't have chosen these names in a million years, but they have just flowed from my lips. It's just who you are. And I am terribly sorry. :)

You were 13 lbs, 15 oz. today at your cardiology appointment. 25 inches long. you were so patient with the nurses as they poked and prodded you, and put those little sticky heart monitor tabs all over your chubby tummy. You "helped" the technician with your echo ultrasound by grabbing the stick as she moved it over your heart. Already my little helper. And praise God that 2 of your 3 holes have CLOSED!!!

You've been becoming quite the chatty Cathy these days...always something to say (or yell...mostly yell). You love it when people pay attention to you; even if it means just sitting and "talking." You LOVE your changing table. It is basically your favorite place. Oh, and you love being naked and taking baths. You give me a sly smile when I give you baths, like you are dreaming of the mischief you will get into when you take baths when you're a toddler.

I have had many nights where I despairingly wished you were "like other babies" who slept through the night at 8 weeks. You're not. You're feisty. You fight sleep like the plague. And I like you just the way you are. You just don't want to miss out on all the action! You've been like this since day one. Lately, though, you've been sleeping longer stretches. I am waiting for the day you will "sleep through the night," but I don't want to long after it anymore. You are God's gift, and someday I will pine away for the nights I got to hold you and comfort you.

Lately you've been "playing" in your crib by yourself so mommy can get an extra half hour of sleep in the mornings. Thank you. It is bliss. Thank you for enjoying your plastic keys and plush duck lovey so much. I'm much more sane for it.

Most babies get the whole "stranger complex" much later, but you already show signs of it. You often burst out crying with a poochy lip when a "stranger" tries to hold you. You even cried buckets the other day when you watched me walk out the door... Just burst out crying like you were in pain. I can tell your cries from one another now. It feels good to be loved and missed. I just didn't expect it from you this young. :)

You suck your hands like there is marshmallow goo all over them. Are you teething already? You looove those hands, baby girl.

While I am sure there is so much more I could say, I want you to know how very thankful I am for what we have and will have for the next 18 years while you're stuck with us. I am blessed, because you are mine. You are Adelle. I can't wait to know this little personality that is all bottled up inside you.

Bring it on, girl.

Bring it.

Love, Mama

25

This is all I needed to wake up to on my 25th birthday....eye boogers and all. Are you kidding me? How did we get this girl? Pair this with a husband who put a note under my pillow and took me out to eat (with our fussy girl in tow), and it's been a good one. Mmm....happy birthday to me. :)

Love, one BLESSED birthday girl.

My 90's Kitchen

Anyone that has been to my little house knows that whoever owned it before me decided to make a very, very bad decision. Such a bad decision that I'm refusing to even show you.

We have this cute little house with original hard wood floors, beautiful white wood trim, and original doors and doorknobs. It's charming, if I do say so myself.

However, someone (who I am shaking my head at this very moment), decided to make our kitchen the epitomy of 90's home decor. Plastic "marbled" hunter green counters. What? You are seriously going to take a completely classic 1940's home and turn it into a hunter green and oak country kitchen?! I am sorry, but this is shameful.

Some of you might know that this has bothered me from the very first time we bought the house. I have always thought we could do a semi-cheap little upgrade (really, just bring some of that 40's charm BACK into the kitchen.) All of the appliances are nice, the sink is nice, but those counter tops and cabs. WOW.

Ben has not always been on the same page. He wasn't sure it would add the re-sale value we would hope for. He thinks maybe someone might have a THING for the nineties. True, true. However, we have recently been able to agree on the fact that our kitchen is distracting in light of the rest of the house. It doesn't "go." I'm afraid that someone will come in someday and love the house and be confused by the kitchen.

So, we found out that IKEA sells solid hard wood countertops at a stunning price. And, since the cabinets are a nice solid oak, we are thinking about painting them. At first I was thinking white, because I loooove all things white. But we have all white appliances, and I think that might be blinding.

And then I saw this inspirational picture. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be my kitchen soon. (Minus the open glass cabinets, open shelving--i wish!-- and amazing accessories.)

What do you guys think?

Warning: A Birth Story

A few friends have been interested in hearing my story of labor and delivery, and one friend in particular advised me to write it down before I forget all of the details. So this is kind of for my own memory, and kind of for those who'd like to hear. I'm amazed at how much has already slipped my mind, and has been replaced with diapers, baby smiles, and spit up.

So, for those of you uninterested in contractions and dialation, I will not be upset (nor will I ever know) if you choose to navigate away from this page. :)

Let me just start off by saying that we were prepared. I like to plan ahead. I like to have my ducks in a row. And I knew what I wanted, so why not?

I have pretty much always wanted to have a natural labor and delivery. I just truly wanted to experience it. It's a part of humanity that we miss out on in some aspects (of course not all aspects!) with all of the interventions. I don't think it should be experienced simply for the purpose of the mother's pride, similar to that of getting through an athletic event. Sure, it is that, but I believe it is so much more. It is experiencing to the fullest, God's chosen way of bringing life to his created people, curse and all. Women get to experience the pain AND privilege of being a part of this. Not to mention, it is what is best for the baby's health in most situations. Add to this the fact that I am horrified of needles and spines, and you've got a winning combination for a drug free delivery!

Don't get me wrong- I'm not anti-intervention. It has saved lives, and is there when we truly need it.

We started out early in my pregnancy looking for support to help make this natural labor thing happen. We knew we wanted to do the Bradley Method. However, there weren't any classes in Bowling Green for us to take. We would have to drive an hour, and with our work schedules, we just couldn't swing it. I began feeling kind of alone in my quest. We read the Bradley books on our own. However, I knew I would need more knowledge and support. Anyway, we ended up finding a doula (a support coach- not medically trained, but trained in giving help in labor to find alternative pain management strategies, emotional support, and to be a liaison of sorts.) Heather was my doula. We met with her throughout the pregnancy, and she was present throughout my labor as well. I totally recommend this method of support for anyone interested in this type of labor.

I started having painful labor contractions on Thursday night October the 21st. We thought for sure by Friday I would have the baby, since my mom and sister both had 6-8 hours of labor each. I just kind of assumed I'd be in that range. Well, lets just say it was a bit longer!

Little did I know that my contractions wouldn't stop for four days. Sure, I'd get a 20 minute break here and there. They would get to five minutes apart or even less, but then spread out to 20 minutes apart. We knew I was in labor because, well, they hurt, and they just weren't stopping. This happened all of Thursday night, all of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Heather came and went three different times. She did everything to help naturally induce my labor. We even walked stadium steps (scaling them 2 at a time) to get the contractions closer. The nights were very hard because I couldn't get good rest. Thurs, Fri, and Sat. night, I would be able to sleep (intermittently) until about 3 am, and then I'd be up for the day. The contractions hurt too much lying down, and I had few coping methods in bed. We were looking for them to get to about 4 minutes apart, and more importanly STAY there for about 2 hours before we'd head into the hospital. We knew that the hospital would induce my contractions since I was indeed in labor, but we also knew that the drug would make my contractions almost unbearable. So, we chose to wait it out. Saturday morning I really wanted to go in just to get checked to make sure Adelle wasn't in any real distress. I would never want to put my baby through trauma just to have a "natural" labor, so this was very important to me. They put me on the monitor and said that everything looked perfect, that I was in labor, and that I needed to go home if I didn't want Pitocin.

Finally, finally... Sunday night they were coming so close and strong all night that neither one of us got ANY sleep. Heather had gone home Sunday afternoon. I finally called her at 5 o'clock Monday morning and told her to meet me at the hospital. Honestly, I had been in so much pain for so long that I was ready for anything that would speed the process along. I was beyond exhausted, and I hadn't begun what would be the worst of it.

We were admitted Monday morning at 5:30 am.

When I was admitted, I was at 3 cm..almost 4. This is ABSURD, considering I'd been in labor for over 3 days at this point. I kept feeling so frustrated. What was wrong or different with me? Even the books all say that a slow labor is considered to be over 12 hours! I had long since passed that. We were hopeful that since the contractions were much more severe, things would speed up. For most of the morning my contractions were about 4 minutes apart and STRONG. They would come in and check me every two hours or so, and I was finally dilating, although still like a turtle.

I labored nine hours, and checked in twice at 6 cm (meaning I hadn't moved in 4 hours!!) At that point i was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I was sleeping in between contractions STANDING UP! I knew that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. I also knew that the hospital puts you on an imaginary clock once you get there. If you aren't progressing fast enough, you have got to take drugs to speed it up, or it will result in C-Section, which I REALLY didn't want.

I finally made the choice to get an epidural at 2 pm, after nine hours of hospital labor. My water broke right before the epidural at 6 centimeters. It was a really hard decision. I struggled with feelings that I had "failed" somehow. Was all my planning and prayer in vain? Why in the world would it take so long? Would she ever come? What was wrong with me? My doula and Ben were very reassuring. "Every labor story is different. You can plan, but you can't really plan."

I went on to labor ELEVEN more hours. My contractions kept stalling. They finally gave me pitocin to speed my labor because, lets be honest, I was nearing C Section time with my "failure to progress." Pitocin made my contractions about every 2 minutes and OFF the charts. We thought for sure I was dilating. I had to be, right?

My wonderful doctor came in to see me at 6pm when office hours were over, and I was at an 8. He said, with a smile, "looks like we will have a baby in a few hours. I'll be back." I felt hopeful. Even with the pain medication, I was still in tears from exhaustion. I couldn't think clearly. The hours went on, and we watched my contractions on the monitor come so close and fast. Still very hopeful.

He came back at 11 pm, having not heard from the nurses. He checked me again, and I was....still.... at a nine. This was probably one of the most discouraging points. At that point he sounded really skeptical on a normal delivery. However, as a last resort, he wanted me to try to push her out at 9.

Well, I did. 45 minutes later I had Ellie, on Monday night at 11:42 pm. I am not sure if my body would have ever dialated to 10. If I hadn't been able to push her, I would have had a C Section. He said he didn't know why the baby came so slowly. All he could say was, "every labor is different." I am still not quite sure I am satisfied with that answer. :)

Looking back, I am so thankful for everyone's prayers. A dear friend of mine told me she had been praying for wisdom; wisdom to take what I needed if I needed it. Wisdom to see beyond a "failed" attempt, and to do what was right for Ellie and I. I'm so thankful for that prayer. Even though it went nothing like I wanted, I still was able to have intervention when I desperately needed it. Thank God for that! I had a husband and doula that helped give me the support I needed, and the bravery to help me say enough is enough. Also, I didn't have to have a C Section ( I equate that to a very wonderfully unconventional doctor), and the Lord kept Ellie out of distress after 4 days of contractions (I equate that to a God who loves her so wonderfully). I truly have so many reasons to be thankful. And the best part- I'd do it all over again in the same exact way to have the little girl sleeping in the next room.

I would give this advice to anyone who plans on having a baby someday: Prepare for it to go how you want it to go. Dream about what you want it to be like. Pray for a beautiful labor, and a healthy baby. Pray for wisdom. And know that every labor truly is different.

That's my story, and Ellie's beginning. :)