She Has it All Together

I would have hoped that in my three years as a barista at Starbucks, I would have made some sort of an impact for Jesus. I would have hoped that those I mingled with time and time again in that tiny corridor behind the counter would have seen something...something. That those that didn't have any knowledge, or had misunderstandings of His character, would have been brought some clarity by my life.

I would have hoped.

The other day I was talking with a friend that I still keep up with from Starbucks. She is a follower of Christ. She told me that she and another co-worker of mine were talking about me the other day. The other co-worker really knows very little truth of Christ at all. I still have a good relationship with both women.

My believing friend told me that this other woman was sharing some of her struggles in her marriage, and that her counselor told her she should "try church" as a way of dealing with her problems. Somehow I came up in conversation, as a person she should talk to. The way she responded to this suggestion has seriously shaken me to the bone since I heard it.

She said, " I would, but Whitney just seems to have it all together. She doesn't have problems in her marriage, and her life is perfect. She probably couldn't relate" (Something to that effect. Again, I wasn't there.)

I have chills. What. Have. I. Done.? How have I let a woman think that I am perfect? How have I let her think that my husband is perfect? How have I, the worst of sinners, led her to believe that it is ME that sustains my "goodness?" Why doesn't she know that I have been plucked out by the gracious hand of God, and that any morsel of good is from him? Why doesn't she know that I CAN relate to trials, suffering, and yucky, ugly sin in my marriage? Why?

This, I believe, is one of the hugest injustices that we as Christians have done to our co-workers and neighbors. We have led them to believe that being a follower of Christ means tucking all your "yuck" away, or really, it means having none at all. Worse yet, we have taught them to believe that the gospel is about US! Where is the gracious character of God in this representation? You guessed it...nowhere to be found. This is not the gospel!!

How will this woman ever enter the doors of a church if she feels she needs to leave her sin at the door? (Mark 2:17, Matthew 19:12, and Luke 5:31 tell us that he has NOT come for the healthy, but the sick)

He has COME FOR HER and she doesn't know!

This terror of a realization has obviously caused a LOT of introspection in my life.
In small group we are reading excerpts from the great Christian authors in ages past. Last night it was an excerpt from C.S. Lewis', Mere Christianity. Wow. My oh my did he nail this concept.

He says, "For what we are trying to do is remain what we call "ourselves" to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be "good." We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way--centered on money or pleasure or ambition-- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly."

His response to this is this: "The Christian way is different: harder, and easier....Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked--the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself."

I was clearly not walking around like I had been given a new self. I was walking around like I gave myself a new self.

I feel cracked and broken. But, I feel thankful. Thankful to know that I cannot live life anymore letting others equate Christ's character with my "moral self."

I was praying about this this morning, and my first "solution" to this problem was to "find a balance" between showing people my brokenness and showing them how Christ has changed me. Do you know why I want to "find a balance?" It's because I don't want people to know how sinful I am.

This is crap. A "balance" is the biggest load of crap we can give to people.

We need to be filled with the Spirit in such a way that people see HIM. Nothing contrived. No fake morality. They see HIM. This will come from our hearts truly believing that he really can represent himself.

Lord, please represent yourself in me and through me. I am tired of pretending. Tired of acting like I haven't been given everything, but that I really do "have it all together."

I am weary of this conquest. I am weary of its results. I DO NOT have it all together.

But even that statement is beside the point. She doesn't even need to hear that from me. She will SEE that when I let her see that Christ does indeed have it all together.

Is it too late to proclaim this message? Praise Jesus that it isn't.